How upset I got, thinking I would lose you to someone else. But in all honesty, If you don’t know how the fuck to balance your friendships, then some friend you are. I don’t just tell people my business or my deep dark secrets. If I tell you, you obviously mean something to me. Then for you to just completely cut me off like that? “Fade” my ass. You just don’t fucking notice any one else but your favorite buddy. Your a superficial person, you act like you don’t do nothing bad. You act like your pretty fucking nice and cute. But guess what? When that person pisses you off, which I KNOW he will, your going to feel really stupid for singling out that person and ignoring the ones who mattered most. Y’know why? Because well guess what I don’t think you have had friends like me. & I refuse to be there for you, because you can’t bother to make plans with me. To even reply to my texts, but when I look through your phone you have a million from him and a million to him. So how you going to tell me you don’t play favorites? Ha, seriously though. My mistake thinking I could play it safe with a “nice” person like you in my life. Shoulda gotten to know you better and kept my guard up ‘cause your just like everyone else. A snake.
I want a love like me, thinking of you, thinking of me, thinking of you type love or, me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or, hating how jealous you are, but loving how much you want me all to your self type love, or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name, and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you, and I barely made it out of my garage. See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she dreaming about us being in love type love, or who loves the other more, or what she’s doing at this exact moment, or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there. Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love. And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love. Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel, like believing that her being in my life makes me a better person type love or I want her to distract me form whatever I’m doing type love and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love. Only difference is this is one of those real love type loves. and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying shit, then fall asleep then wake up with HER right next to me, and smell her all up in my covers type love I want to try to counting the ways I love her, and then lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all over again type love I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even though they ain’t really anniversaries, but doin’ it just cause it makes her happy type love. And I want to break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love And check this, I want fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves and then talk to her until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves. I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love her as long as I’d like to type loves, and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love. I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair Well, maybe not all of the hair maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her. And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y’all this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory get transported to some third world country just to get treated then somehow meet up again with you so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is, but I’m married, so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.
Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping … waiting … and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir … open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us … guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love … the clarity of hatred … the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we’d be truly dead.
You’ve been a good year to me, asides from all the black holes you sucked me into and the sharp turns I fell off the edge from. There’s nothing I would change because I feel perfectly placed where you put me.