to face the fact that you no longer want me the way you used to. The glint in your eyes no longer exist when we look at each other and the tone in your voice no longer switches, for it stays constant and steady. There is no more excitement between us and the phone rings went from 1 to 5, and sometimes it’s the voicemail that greets me instead. There are no more butterflies for it has turned to winter between us, and it’s as cold as it sounds. You no longer want me the way you used to, and it’s hard to face.
I’m trying so hard to hurl myself over this invisible metaphorical “hump” I’ve created all to myself. While you’re living your life, and doing whats good for you. I find myself doodling your name all over the place, driving to no where, and some how some way still smelling you all over my clothes. This isn’t good for me. I mean, I’ve become good at tolerating and ignoring, but I guess whats hurting my ego, hurting my feelings is that you’re ALWAYS in the back of my mind and it’s hard for me to not spill your name out like word vomit when I’m around someone. How do you throw something like what we had to waste and resisting not finding myself digging through the paper shredder and piecing and taping whatever we had was left together. I use to think that every day got better, that tomorrow would be better, but now, it’s at that point where when I sleep it just pauses, and when I wake it continues.
Share banana splits with you. Cut you off in the middle of your sentences with a kiss. Walk already half way home, sprint back just to tell you I miss you. Take 40 minutes to hang up. Ask you if I left my jacket at your place. Fold your clothes. Wipe the ketchup from the side of your mouth. Tell you I’m breaking up with you just have you give me the pouty face. Buy you roses for being great. Proof read your homework. Grab your butt at the grocery store. Massage your hand while you drive. Do nose strips with you. Say I love you.